From 500 Best Irish Jokes and Limericks: The American tourist was looking over Phelim's farm.
"How many acres have you got?" he asked.
"About thirty," Phelim said proudly.
"You know," the American went on, "at home in Texas it takes me two days to drive around my ranch."
"Poor you," sympathized Phelim. "I had a car like that wanst, but I sold it."
13. Clear your work area and your escape path of brush, vines, and other hazards that can trip you or catch your saw.
14. Escape from the bullseye when the tree tips. 90% of accidents happen within 12 feet of the stump. Go more than 15 feet, and stay out of the bullseye until things stop falling.
15. Keep spectators away more than twice the height of the tree in the direction it will fall.
16. Don't cut alone.
17. Keep your body and the swamper's out of the line of the bar in case of a kickback.
18. Set the brake when taking over two steps or when moving through tripping hazards. Keep your trigger finger off of the throttle when you are moving.
19. DO NOT operate a chainsaw from a ladder! Operating with your feet off the ground requires special training.
20. Do not cut above your shoulders.
21. Springpoles must be shaved on the inside of the apex between the ascending and descending sides. If the apex is higher than you shoulders, stand under the springpole and cut it low on the descending side. It will release upward, away from you.Leaning and heavily loaded poles that are too small to bore cut for a hinge should be shaved on the compressed side until they fold.
22. Do not cut a tree that is holding up a lodged tree. Do not work under a lodged tree. Think about a mouse trying to steal the cheese out of a trap.
23. Instruct your swampers and helpers to NEVER approach you from behind or the sides to within the reach of your saw when you are cutting. If you pull out of a cut with the chain running, or have a severe kickback, the swamper can be killed if he is coming up behind you!
24!! Quit When You Are Tired!
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